How did you die?
by Falconface
Summary: Hi, I'm Falconface your host here on how did you die. This is where we go around asking diffrent cats of starclan how they died. We ask all sorts of cats through out the books. Be careful though, these could be major or minor spoilers. So sit back and eat popcorn folks for it's time to ask starclan the question... HOW DID YOU DIE?
1. Chapter 1

How Did You Die?

By Falconface

My name is Falconface and I'm hear in star clan to get the real story on how these warriors died. Since this is my first time doing this I have randomly selected some warriors to interview today.

Bluestar:

"Hi, Bluestar my name is Falconface and I'm a reporter. I just wanted to ask you this one simple question..."I paused briefly "How did you die?"

Bluestar stared at me blankly before replying "Well it all began when my deputy, Fireheart, gave me an order to stay with the clan at sunning rocks. After a while I got bored of playing checkers with Whitestorm so I decided to go were all the action was. When I got to were Fireheart was, he was being shaken by a dog, so I began to run. As I ran I yelled at the dog that Fireheart was not a chew-toy and that if he put him down I would find him a real chew-toy. When I was almost there, I tripped on a root and went flying into the dog nocking him and me, off the cliff. As we fell the dog grabbed me with his teeth and made us fall even quicker! Thirty-seconds later we crashed into the water and he finally let go of me. Nobody else knew but I hated water and I couldn't swim! Luckily Fireheart jumped in to save me. By the time he got me ashore I could berly breath so a mumbled a couple words to my children and deputy and well, I ENDED UP HERE FOR THE REST OF MY STINKING LIFE!"

"Thank you Bluestar for your wonderful story. I'm sure our audience loved it, but I've got to go now, by."

So that was my first time doing it and I think it went pretty good. It went so good that I've decided to interview another cat about their death.

Crookedstar:

I went over to this cat that was coughing really bad as if he was sick, to ask him about his death.

"Hi there, I'm Falconface and I'm a reporter. I was wondering if you could tell everyone how you died." I asked him.

He replied by pulling out a guitar and starting to sing. "When I turned about fifty-five or, so I began to feel a bit light-headed so I asked Leporedfur if she would fetch some new bedding and a pecan that couldn't say a word. Well she got my bedding but not my bird, so I sent her back to get my bird and well what do you know she comes back with the medicine-cat and not my pecan, so I kicked them both out yelling "I can't eat a medicine-cat!". I grew weaker as the days went by and I died and ended up here because NOBODY BOTHERED TO HELP ME BY BRINGING ME A PECAN!" He looked up me obviously waiting for an applause so clapped a pitiful clap.

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

Crookedstar took a bow and coughed right in my face! "Thank you for that lovely song, now I must go sterilize my face." I commented as I turned around and headed home.


	2. Chapter 2

How Did You Die?

By Falconface: Chapter 2

You have seen some leaders so I'm are going to interview two cats that are some what as important as leaders...MEDICHINE CATS! Oh yeah!

**Yellowfang:**

I easily found the she-cat by a catnip bush collecting the leaves. "Hi Yellowfang, I'm..."

She interrupted me with a huge grin. "Your Falconface aren't you?" She began. "Bluestar told me about you. You might want to sit down if your going to hear about my death." Yellowfang pushed me onto a rock.

"Let's see it all began when I heard a loud childish scream that woke me from my sleep. I peered out of my den to see Fireheart running around the clearing yelling something about a fire. Then I saw smoke rising from the trees. My eyes grew as big as a-a-a-a-CHOOOOOOO!" She sneezed as some pollen went up her nose.

"My eyes were big, OK! Anyway, I dragged Cinderpelt with me as I ran out of my den, across the clearing, and up the ravine. Later when we did a head count we were missing two old-people-cats and a kit. Fireheart was petheticly looking for someone to go with him so I decided I wanted to fly and went with him.

The rescue went something like this: We went in the camp, found the two elders, grabbed them, and tried to get out. Fireheart made it out mostly because he had the elder that went on a diet. Out of all the elders in ThunderClan I had to get the one that weighed a hundred pounds! When I was about half way to the entrance I saw Fireheart in a tree. I dragged the elder a little bit farther and then yelled up at Fireheart that this was no time for climbing trees. But then wadda you know! The entire tree tips over under Frieheart's weight. An the tree fell right in the entrance, blocking my escape. I started to panic, and went running to my den to get poppy seed to calm my nerves. And I decided the elder was to dirty to drag into my den, so I abandon him there. After I ate the poppy seeds, I realized how foggy it was. I then I kinda fainted and saw butterfly's and spots and flowers and tarts and little pink heart and happy stuff of dreams".

I woke up to the sound of a very paniced cat. I lived my heavy dropping eyelids and looked up to see Fireheart. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I could believe Fireheart abandoned me. And I calculated that today was tuesday, and since there were no good TV shows on that I should die. But before I did I left Fireheart my will, stating that I leave everything to the pink rabbit that was floating in the sky. In StarClan I got to meet up with all my best buddies. The gang decided that we should wear pink shirts that read 'I LOVE TEDDIES'.

Eventually, I noticed that my crew had disappeared on me. So I decided to disappear to, and leave Yellowfang blabbering to herself.

So that didn't go so well but just to let you Yellowfang is still talking away this very moment. Now I'm going to talk to Spottedleaf and I just hope she will be a little more...well... self control.

Hi I'm falconface." I ask with great caution as I approach her. " I was wondering if you could tell me how you died?"

"It was very tragic really, in fact it probably wouldn't have happened if my battle skills were better. I was looking for Firestar...no...Fireheart...no...Firepaw...yes he was Firepaw at the time. Anyway I was looking for Firepaw to ask him if he would go on a date with me. But as I was padding past the nursery when I heard the kits cry. "Who are you, what do you want, and where are our pickles. Hey why are you lifting us up we don't want to fly, we want to swim." They cried. After hearing that fearful and confusing cry for help I dashed to the secret exit behind the nursery ( which I wanted me and Firepaw to use.). When I saw that horrible shadowclan cat I screamed and the great slap-fight began. I was winning when I saw a pretty...pretty...pretty...pretty butterfly, and then I fell asleep and went zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz note this goes on for a really long time zz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. And then the other cat went and # ! #%?!*&$%#!# killed me!"

wow. "OK kay thank you for your lovely story" Sheese I thought medicine cats never knew those kind of harsh harsh words.

This is Falconface out.

Try this question:

timmy woke up ate three bowls of sugar and hit a pony.

How much cheese and pickles did bob the unicorn eat?

If this makes sence then you are smart and crazy. :)


	3. Chapter 3

How Did You Die?

By Falconface: Chapter 3

Today we will interview two very very very very very very very evil cats, TIGERSTAR and SCOURGE! why? Because we all know how their evil but how did they feel when they died, this is Falconface with the real story.

It took for ever but I finally found Tigerstar in some dark forest where everything and everyone is emo, likes to hide, and pretends it is halloween.

Tigerstar looked very puzzled when I ran up with my crew and about half a dozen starclan warriors trailing behind me. "Hey Tigerstar!" I gasp as I reach him. "I was wondering if you could tell me how you d-"

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" shouts someone from behind me. Everyone turns around to find...yes, yes it's true...to find SCOURGE. "WHY ARE YOU ASKING HIM HOW HE DIED AND NOT ME!" He demands so loud every cat has to cover their ears.

Tigerstar and Scourge start stalking around each other while the crowd cheered them on and I realize that if I don't do something...a slap-fight would begin.

"Stop I'm doing Tigerstar then I'll do scourge!"I shout. "Does that make all the bunnies and cats happy?"

Every cat and every pink fluffy bunny bobbed there heads. As if on a silent sign Tigerstar began his long half boring half OK speech. "I was a normal lad same as all the other kittens, I wanted to rule the forest just like all the other kits but I was the only one who made it cam true."

"Yah for ten seconds!" sneered Scourge.

"Anyway." Tigerstar continued, pushing Scourge aside. "As an apprentice, I trained hard mostly in battle. Yes in my battle test I got 100%, an A+ however in hunting I sorta got a D- or 0% he he. We apprentices had a little game where we fight and hunt to see who has to do the apprentice duties. When we do fighting matches I win and sit back and relax. Hunting...I get stuck searching the elders for ticks. I defended are borders with all my...my...my something, with my mussels! I even found TINY oh I mean SCOURGE as a little tiny wienie kit. Since he was on Thunderclan land, I made him pay! Uh why are all of you staring at me? FINE all hurry up. Bluestar became leader, I became a warrior, Redtail became deputy, I killed Redtail, Loinheart became deputy, Loinheart dies, I became deputy, I tried to kill Bluestar, I got banished, Fireheart became deputy, I became leader of Shadowclan, I use dogs to kill Bluestar, Firestar became leader, I get Bloodclans help, I almost rule the forest, and Scourge kills me."

I nod "that will do, now it's time for S-"

"IT IS TIME FOR ME BABY!" Shouts Scourge. " My story is very sad but unlike Tigerstar I talk about my child hood. Well maybe a little bit like you need yo know that I had been scared by Tigerstar. Sometime later a became leader and Tigerstar begged for my help."

"HEY!" Exclaimed Tigerstar. " I did not _beg_ for your help, I just needed you so that ruling the forest would be easier."

" Yah. Whatever you still needed my help. Know when I came to the forest, Tigerstar was acting like a brat so I went and killed him. Then I liked the forest so much I decided I wanted to rule the forest. So I told all the cats to leave,but did they listen _no_ instead they wanted to fight. And then in the mist of battle a fearsome cat appeared with a rocket launcher and... and...yah I give up. I was killed by a kittypet but only because he cheated! I killed him yes I did and he but he came back to life! And thats cheating!" He growled. Then ran off into the trees crying.

" That is the end of How Did You Die now how do get out of here?" I ask and all the other cats start freaking out and crashing into trees. Then a portal opened and we all jumped through.


	4. Chapter 4

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**By: Falconface chapter 4**

Hello world! I'm Falconface your reporter with today's how did you die? Today we will interview two cats: Snowkit and Shrewpaw!

I found Snowkit surrounded by other kits playing in the flowers. On my signal one of my crew members held up a sign that read "How did you die?"

Snowkit looked puzzled, then scribbled down something really long on a piece of paper, and held it up. It read " Um I don't really know, but one day I was playing in the clearing at camp then all the other cats ran to the edge of the clearing. I thought it was because my breath stunk so a kept playing. But then my mom came running towards me and she was yelling something. Now I just thought she wanted me to try some breath mints and I ignored her. But then something grabbed me and I was lifted into the sky. Now in the end it was a hawk and I had the biggest feast of my life!"

I stared at him dumfounded. Then I grabbed a piece of paper from Tallstar who was writing a poem, and scribed down something and showed it to snowkit. "Then why are you here?"

Snowkit held up a sign that said " Oh, but I'm not." Then he faded to nothing. The other kits stopped playing and stared at the spot were he had been standing. After a while they went back to watching the talking peanut do impressions.

That was scary.

Shrewpaw:

Shrewpaw was playing in a rock band as the lead singer with his buddies. " SHREWPAW!" I called "how did you die?"

"WELL!" He sang "They say you can hear starclan! When your death is almost at hand. And one day I said to myself...We are all beat, it's time to catch something to eat! SO RUN RUN RUN, catch that mouse! RUN RUN RUN, before it gets to it's house! I SAY RUN RUN RUN, keep up that habit and catch that screwy rabbit! RUN RUN RUN, it like a fable! RUN RUN RUN, let put meat on the table! RUN Run run, I can see the bright light and evil in it's eye... It's time for me to diiieee. With one big WHAM! I'm here in starclan. Forever."

Everyone clapped and cheered at his song. A few cats fainted while others threw roses. I do have to say... that was the most dramatic death ever.


	5. Chapter 5

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**By: Falconface chapter 5**

What happens when a wife and a daughter die? You ask them how they died of course! Today we will ask Silverstream and Feathertail how they died.

Silverstream:

I found Silverstream as a ghost in the real world. She was stalking Greystripe, muttering swear words under her breath. "Hi Silverstream I'm Fal-"

"Shhh!" She hissed at me, then went back to watching Greystripe. As soon as Millie came into view, Silverstream wiggled on her haunches then pounced. She was a ghost and her form went right through Millie but that didn't stop Silverstream from attacking nothing. After she was done with Millie, she moved on to Greystripe, hacking away at his shadow. " Traitor!" Silverstream hissed. "Abandoner! Double dater! Can't even take care of my kids! I died giving birth and you repay me by letting one die! Even the other one left you, he hated you so much! When you die, I'm going to kill you!" Five minutes later Silverstream was much calmer and turned to us. Her eyes grew huge when she saw me, my crew, and two dozen StarClan cats that had nothing better to do.

" Hi, I'm Falconface. I wanted to ask you how you died?"

" Well it began when I first met Greystripe. He was a dashing young tom with no swimming abilities. Back then I was foolish. Instead of finding some cat in my clan, I went for the first one I found drowning in the river. But don't get me wrong, he was handsome... ish. I mean those grey stripes were so beautiful and those eyes... oh those lovely eyes! We always saw each other, doing the opposite of what my father told me. But he was a hunk of a man. At our wedding the only guests we could invite were the squirrels. Everything was good, until he said we should have a baby. Then boom! I died. And what did he do? HE WENT AND FOUND ANOTHER GIRL!"

By this time Greystripe and Millie had left. Silverstream noticed and went running after them, muttering something about how she should have listened to her father.

Feathertail:

Feathertail was really hard to find so we stopped to ask directions at a place called "Nightstar's gas". He said Feathertail was on a cliff north of his gas station. When we said goodbye, he through us some parachutes. Quick note: there are no cars in StarClan. So why a gas station? Well it is named a _**gas**_ station for a reason.

Feathertail was on a cliff preparing to jump when we ran towards her. " Feathertail wait!" I exclaimed but it was too late. She jumped down the mile high drop.

" I'm a bird!" she shouted "I believe I can fly!" She smacked into the ground. Five seconds later she climbed out of a meter deep cat shaped hole and yelled " I'm dead!" Then popped an acorn into her mouth.

Me and my crew released our parachutes and jumped after her. When we got to the bottom me crew pinned her down so she wouldn't try to jump off the next cliff. " Hi, I'm Falconface. We want you to tell us, how did you die?" I asked.

" Well I killed a mountain lion and no cat here cares. Actually I'm too nice and if I lived I would be a hero. But instead I died and Crowfeather didn't kill himself to be with me. I mean how sad and unheroic is that? Now I stuck here, trying to figure out what my name means. I mean I want to be a bird since my tails made of feathers just like they have. Sigh it would be nice to live in the sky like they do." Then Feathertail jumped up, put a bird-suit on and ran off the over cliff yelling. " WEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Then WHAM! And " I'm dead!"

" This is Falconface with two more stories out."


	6. Chapter 6

**How did you die?**

By: Falconface 6

I think it is time to interview some elders. Two elders long forgotten, who never made the journey to the lake where warriors live now. Today it is time for... SPECKLETAIL AND FROSTFUR!

I found them in a park somewhere in the endless world of StarClan. They were knitting the longest scarf in the world. If you were facing them, you would see Speckletail and Frostfur sitting on two white wooden chairs, knitting. But behind them would be the biggest hugest rainbow scarf ever! They were both knitting one end of the scarf with two small piles in front of them, but behind them was a mound of scarf! The two balls of yarn they each used never got smaller or bigger. It was scary.

" Hello, I'm Falconface. And we want you to answer our question... how did you die?"

"What did you say sonny?" asked Speckletail.

"How Did You Die?" I replied.

"WHAT?" Yelled Frostfur. "We can't hear like we used to."

"HOW DID YOU DIE!"

" Okay, Okay, you don't have to yell."Grumbled Frostfur.

"How we died eh? Well it took place somewhere back in the 1900's I'd say. Back when kids actually worked instead of watching WeeVee."Croaked Speckletail.

" I think it's pronounced TV. Ya those were the good days. Our clan was strong, made of pure-blood warriors. Now it's a joke with all those kittypets."

"Ya. A leader needs to think better. Firestar's brain is full of goldfish."

"What I thought his name was Flamestar."

" No its Firestar, ya old mouse. Any who he cursed us with his kittypet blood. Now the forest is no more."

"Then they left us there to die. Back in my day, no cat would be left behind."

" Behind what?"

"Behind that head of yours is a brain! Now use it!"

"Left us to die they did. Thought we too old to make the journey. But we would have, all in good time."

"Yep but they thought less of us, now we're here in StarWam."

"Its Starclan! Let ThunderClan be cursed for letting foul blood join! Let there be rain, wind, storms, tornadoes, and cucumbers!"

" What bout' sunshine? Why not sunshine instead of rain? I hate rain make my bones ache."

" There you have it our sad story bout' how our clan left us to die! Them abandoners."

"Thank you for your story and I feel ever so sorry for you." I said politely.

" Ya should be! We've been in StarClan ever since. Knitting this here scarf." Frostfur gestured to the mound of yarn on the ground. "Some day I'm goona tie Flamestar up with this."

Just then Scourge rose from the colourful scarf pile " I still think he cheated." He grumbled. Then a herd of smurfs chased a zebra while a waterfall flooded a fish tank.

" Back in my day, these things didn't happen." growled Frostfur.


	7. Chapter 7

**HELP! I'm running out of warriors! Please send StarClan warriors that died in the first through second series!**

**-Falconface**

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**By: Falconface 7**

Today it is time for some deputies and no not Whitestorm... yet. No today we will interview two deputies that were killed by Tigerstar... REDTAIL AND LOINHEART!

Now Loinheart needed mental help and Redtail became a doctor and and a ice-cream man. So Loinheart went to Redtail for help every day and for ice-cream every other week.

We went into the hospital and checked in at the front desk. "Can I help you?" asked Spottedleaf from behind the desk.

" yes we're looking for Loinheart and Dr. Redtail." I replied.

" Yes well only a dozen cats can be in the room with Loinheart at one time, including the doctor."

The three dozen StarClan warriors and one of my crew members stormed out the doors. " Come." Grumbled Yellowfang leading us down the hallway. She opened a door and shoved us inside before slamming it on one of my crew's tail.

"Velcome! Vi am voctor Redtail and vou are?" Asked Dr. Redtail.

"I'm Falconface and I'm here to ask you and Loinheart how you died."

" Really! I'm such a big fan! Could you sign my-. Vi mean, veally! Vim such va big van. Vould vou sign vi chest?!" He screamed.

" Uh, sure I guess." I grabbed a marker from Tallstar who was still writing a poem but this time on a cloud outside the window. I scribbled my name on his chest.

"Va!" He yelled.

Then Yellowfang burst in releasing the tail of my crew member. "Just talk normal you idiot!" Then she slammed the door back on the poor cat's tail.

"Fine" Mumbled Dr. Redtail. " How I died was awful. I was a young, handsome, strong warrior. All the chicks loved me and my body. It was the battle for sunning-rocks and we were winning! The last RiverClan cats ran away and I was going to go home a hero. I held up my paw to slap a high five with Tigerstar when he jumped on me and killed me! Now I never get to date those cute girls."

I turned to Loinheart who had his face pressed against the window watching nothing.

" Loinheart?"

He turned to me, his face filled with sadness. " yes?"

" How did you die?"

Loinheart sniffled and wiped a tear from his eye. "Well my life is awful. My dream was to be deputy. One day Tigerclaw came back from battle and well carried Redtail's dead body."

"Wait isn't it Tigerstar?" Asked one of my crew member.

"TIGERCLAW IS A LEADER NOW!" Shrieked Loinheart.

" Shush! Now now calm down, Tigerstar died." Dr. Redtail explained, then turned to us. " The last time some cat spilled the beans he found out Tigerstar was evil... ugh! That was a disaster, I had to give him free ice-cream all week as a cure"

"TIGERSTAR IS HERE! AAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Loinheart.

" Now Now, he's not here in StarClan. He is in a dark forest on the edge of our borders." Dr. Redtail meowed calmly.

"NOW HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!" Loinheart shrieked in misery.

"NURSE!" Yelled Dr. Redtail

_eleven bowls of ice-cream later_

" Could you continue with your story now." I asked.

"Well Tigerstar killed Redtail then Bluestar named me deputy. It was the best moment ever. But then a battle rose, and attacked the ThunderClan camp. I fought bravely but died. I only got to be deputy for a few days before I died! My life is so horrible!" Loinheart sobbed.

"Thank you, Loinheart and Dr. Redtail for your stories."

"WAIT, YOU SAID YOU WERE DOCTOR PHIL!" Exclaimed Loinheart. " I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU MY WHOLE LIFE REDTAIL.!"

"GET THE ICE-CREAM!"Yelled Dr. Phil/Redtail.

"**Tigerstar is going to kill me!"**

**Thanks for all your comments! -Falconface**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for all your great comments! It has been so nice! - Falconface**

**P.S. When I said first to second I meant cats from first to third series.**

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**By: Falconface 8**

WELCOME BACK! This is how did you die, but I'm not going to do a long intro like usual. Instead I put names of warriors into a jar and pulled out two (not really). And they are... Swiftpaw and Whitestorm!

Swiftpaw:

Swiftpaw was a professional StarClan athlete and the drummer for Shrewpaw's band (with their two new songs Run-over with love and Crushed).

Swiftpaw was on the track preparing to take off, trying to beat his score of a minute and twenty nine seconds. On the bleachers sat Tallstar, eyeing us, and keeping his paper and pen close as he continued to write the exact same poem.

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... GO! His coach, Brokenstar yelled(and yes I know he is evil but Brokenstar started reading these books called How To Be A Better You).

Swiftpaw took off, while Loinheart ran, screaming across the fields, with Dr. Redtail/Phil and Yellowfang right on his heels. Swift paw had to do three laps and he had done two and a half when Yellowfang finally tackled Loinheart to the ground.

It was the home stretch,the time was a minute and eight seconds when Scourge popped out of a hole in the ground, right in front of swiftpaw and yelled "He cheated!". Then Scourge ran off with two cops trailing behind him.

Swiftpaw lay stunned on the ground. We ran over to him just as the timer went off, signalling he did not beat his record.

Swiftpaw started getting up then saw me. He screamed and jumped eight feet in the air. "Your Falconface, I watch you on TV all the time!"

"Yes well how did you die."

"Well." He began, staring at me (I'm a she-cat for those that don't know). " It all started when I got fed up with staying in camp. We weren't being made warriors and even the full grown warriors were worried. I had to do something. I gathered my army, made of me and Brightheart and headed out into the deep dark forest. Finally we came to enemy territory, SNAKE-ROCKS! We used the high trees, waiting in stealth mode. Hours went by and it was way past my bedtime. Brightheart got so tired, she cracked and screamed at the cave. Then the dogs came out, they were huge. We attacked then with acorns, pine-cones and squirrels. It was failing and I leaped down, and against my wishes Brightheart followed. We hit them with tooth and claw but then the dogs pulled out the fart-gun! The smell was awful! I died from it and ended up here in StarClan. That is my story." Finished Swiftpaw. We all clapped and cheered.

" Thank you so much for your story." I commented.

"Now back to that record!" He ran off.

Whitestorm:

Now many of you don't now this but Whitestorm sings opera. Thus we had to by tickets to get in to the theatre. We we were in, we sat in the first row. All our fans took up most of the other seats.

I got up and went back stage, today Whitestorm was going to sing us how he died. I nocked on the door with a big star on it. "Whitestorm!" I called in. " We're here and waiting for you to tell us how you died."

_five minutes later_

" WHHEEENNN I WAS A YOUNG LAD, MYYYYY FATHERRRR SAIIIID TO MMEEEE! SOOOONNN WHEENNN YOU SEE HERRR, NEVERRR LET HER GOOOOO!" Sang Whitestorm. He was dressed in a viking costume for almost no reason, since this had nothing to do with vikings. "AND THENNNN I FOUND HER! HERRRR BLUE/GRAY COAT WAS BEAUTIFUL! BUT SHE WASSS LEADERRRR AND I HAD TO LET HER GOOO! STILLLL I TRIIIIEEEED TO MAKE A GOOOOOOD IMPRESSION! WEEEE WEEENT TOOO MOOOVIIIEESS AND PLAYED CHEEEESSSS! BUT THEN SHE LEEAAPED OFFFFF A CLIFFF AND DIIEEED! IIIIII WASSS HEARRRRT BROOOKENNN! SEASSSONSSS LATERRRR A BATTLE ROSSSSE AND III WAS GOING TOOO FIGHT AS DEPUTY! IIII WASS COVVERRRED WITH BLOOOODCLAAANNN WARRRRIORRSSSS! ANNNND THEEEY KILLLLED MEEEE SOOO! NOOOWWW IIII AMM WITTTTHHH MY LOVE AGAINNNNNN!" He finished and a wave of claps and cheers filled the theatre.

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR STORY!" I yelled.

If you couldn't read that here it is in English:

W_hen I was a young lad, my father said to me!_

_ Soon when you see her, never let her go!_

_ And then I found her!_

_ Her blue/grey coat was beautiful!_

_ But she was leader and I had to let her go!_

_ Still I tried to make a good impression!_

_ We went to movies and played chess!_

_ But then she leaped off a cliff and died!_

_ I was heart broken!_

_ Seasons later a battle rose and I was going to fight as deputy!_

_ I was covered with BloodClan warriors!_

_ And they killed me so!_

_ Now I am with my love again!_


	9. Whitestorm again

**You the fans said I mucked up on the last chapter and I did. Now I'm redoing Whitstorm with double the laughs.**

**So lets give Whitestorm another chance!**

**I present to you... (drum-roll please)**

**WHITESTORM AGAIN!**

**-Falconface**

**HOW DID YOU DIE**

**By: Falconface Whitestorm again**

Not only does Whitestorm do opera, but he also does STAND-UP-COMEDY! Don't ask.

_At the bar..._

Applause erupted from the fans as Nightstar and his three dancing flamingos went off the stage. Now it was finally time for Whitestorm to do his act.

He walked on the stage wearing a polka dot tie and clown shoes. " Hey everybody were do you all come from?"Asked Whitestorm.

"STARCLAN!" everybody yelled back at him.

"All right! Hey a funny thing happened to me on the way to the bar, I was run over by a milk truck. It hurt diary much!" There were a few chuckles from the crowd. " Now I've been asked by Falconface how I died? Well, saying it is sad is so last year. BloodClan attacked and their leaders name is scourge, like what does that even mean? They say your clan is only as strong as your weakest member, well what if your leaders an apprentice? That must be one weak clan!"

"Hey!" yelled Scourge who just happened to be in the crowd. "My clan is plenty strong! It killed you!"

"Ya. Ya. Shorty, I'm getting to that." Joked Whitestorm.

Then Scourge leaped at Whitestom, his small claws outstretched. Whitestorm sidestepped and Scourge hit the ground, landing on nothing. Then a giant broom came and swept scourge off the stage. Literally off the stage, Scourge landed on the ground with a THUMP!

"Isn't he just the cutest kitty-pet?" Laughed Whitestorm "Now back to the battle. You know that apprentice looked so cute. Now well it's not hard to explain how I died. My fur was so bloody. I hate blood it takes forever to wash out of fur. The blood made it hard to move. Soon BloodClan cats piled on top of me, clawing my body. You know, I always wanted my ears pierced not the rest of my body. And I did from it. But here in StarClan is were I came show my true talent... OPERA!" With that he started to sing.

There where several screams of yes and no from every cat. But we had left by now. I never knew my crew could get so drunk, and it took forever to get a cab.


	10. Chapter 9

**Wow, nine stories already, this is getting hard to do!**

**Thanks so much for your help in choosing cats!**

**But now I have way too many, my heads going to explode!**

**Sorry if haven't got to your cats yet.**

**-Falconface**

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**BY: Falconface 9**

Today's not-so-randomly-picked cats are... HOLLYLEAF AND ASHFUR!

Hollyleaf:

Now if you didn't know, Hollyleaf went a little crazy and killed herself. In StarClan she was crazy and now she is in a hospital for crazy cats.

She was locked in a room where only a little light from a bared window came in. The cell was made of cold hard stone with a cot in the corner.

We were warned that Hollyleaf was crazy, like really crazy. We entered the small chamber to find her sitting on her cot tied in that white blanket thing with belts around. She wiggled around as I entered the room. " Hollyleaf." I meowed slowly. "How did you die?"

She started laughing crazily. "You stupid cats want to know how I died well I'll tell you then. It was a dark rainy day, I stared at him, dead in the river. Lifeless body floating away. Ashfur! He was going to tell every cat the same time I did. And the same thing I did. And the same way I did. And... And... and it was pointless killing him." She paused realizing her mistake. " I guess, I shouldn't have killed him. I mean I told every cat the secret anyways. It must have been that bad banananana, I mean banana I ate. It turned my brain to mush. Now I murdered some cat and did suicide for no reason." She finished with less weirdness. Then suddenly she started laughing again.

"Okay." I meowed backing off.

Suddenly a canon fired at the wall smashing it to rubble. The Black Pearl was sailing across the sky and Jack Sparrow, sorry I mean Captain Jack Sparrow called "Sorry I missed" Then went sailing away.

" Ha Ha, I told you I would escape." Laughed Hollyleaf.

" Uh, no you didn't." Stated a cat from my crew.

"Oh, uh, I will escape." She stated. " For I am a magician!" She wiggled around with no success. "BUNNY!" She yelled.

Then a black hat fell through the hole in the wall. A pink fluffy bunny jumped out of the hat and undid Hollyleaf's bonds. She ran away laughing.

Ashfur:

I no this is short but lets just say Ashfur worked in a circus, and was a fire swallower.

"How did you Die?" I asked

"Well" He began. " One day, I met the love of my life! She was a beautiful young lady. Her fur was the colour of flame, and the daughter of our leader. So we fell in love. The secrets in the locked safe inside me became unlocked to her. I told her everything, every moment of my life. Then one dark day, another tom came and stole her from me. But she betrayed me! She told all of my secrets to Tigerstar's son, the nerve. I soon wanted revenge, for she told him the day when I was wearing pants (cats don't wear pants) to school! But one fateful day when a wanted revenge and held her children hostage. All I wanted was a kiss on the cheek, but then she started spilling a secret and yada ya. So instead to make her mad I pretended I was going to tell the secret to every cat. I was just going to forget the secret anyway. But then before the gathering, I was so terribly thirsty. I was drinking from the stream, when the Hollyleaf came out wearing a clown suit! Oh I laughed and laughed. She was so cute! Then she told jokes and made me laugh even more! Then, you would never guess... BUT I DIED LAUGHING!"

A grumpy clown went by and Ashfur started laughing even more! And you guessed it, because I can't leave him out (you thought I forgot!).

Scourge jumped, landed on the clown, ate the clown, burped for five minutes, and said "HE CHEATED!"

**THE END!**


	11. Chapter 11

**READ THIS!**

**It has been a long wait. And now it is finally here... How Did You Die 11!**

**School has made it take too much time, with all the homework, drama, and random tests.**

**I would like to thank Jay nice and Queen for this chapter.**

**-Falconface**

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**By: Falconface 10**

Welcome back to How Did You Die? It's time to interview evil and not so evil, IT IS TIME FOR HAWKFROST AND WILLOWPELT!

Hawkfrost:

Lets just say Hawkfrost is a spoiled brat and Tigerstar lets him have everything.

" BUT DAD!" cried Hawkfrost.

" No buts, you can't have a unicorn." Meowed Tigerstar. Hawkfrost gave him the puppy eyes. "NOOOOO! Not the puppy eyes!" Screeched Tigerstar. Then he gave up and gave Hawkfrost a unicorn.

" I want another unicorn and a rainbow." When Tigerstar said no Hawkfrost kicked him until he got what he wanted. Then he happily took his stuff to his den. Don't ask me how to get a rainbow or the unicorns will be very angry.

I went over to the door of Hawkfrost's den and knocked. "Whats the password?" Answered a muffled voice.

"Hawkfrost is awesome." I answered.

He opened the door. " How did you know?" He meowed.

" That is not important now how did you die?" I asked.

" Well of course but first I want something in return." Then a pink basket ball came sailing over head and smacked into Hawkfrost, sending him slamming into a brick wall. "Payment payed." He gasped. "Daddy said it was my destiny to rule the forest but he lied! I was so close! It had taken so long before I finally got to kill some cat. But in the time of my evil rain I didn't get a chance to kill any-cat. Now my life is ruined."

"HEY! That is my line!" declared Lionheart. Then he saw Tigerstar. " EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!" Screeched Lionheart. "HE IS GOING TO KILL ME!" He ran away.

"My life is ruined!" continued Hawkfrost. " My brother turned on me after I turned on him, it isn't fair! My own brother killed me when I wanted to kill him. Daddy I want a coconut!" A coconut came sailing overhead, smacking Hawkfrost in the head. "Daddy I want to go to the hospital."

Willowpelt:

Willowpelt is... well you'll find out what Willowpelt is.

She was sitting on a rock with a blank expression on her face. As I approached, her head slowly turned. Actually when she turned her head, the first two words that came to mind were creepy and eerie.

I walked in a large ark around Willowpelt, but her glazed over eyes followed me every step. " Um. Willowpelt" I asked warily. "how did you die?"

Suddenly she jumped to her paws, ears pricked. Now she went from freaky kitty to kitty on steroids. "Well. I all started in a land, I don't now what land but it was a land. Speaking of did you know Scourge was like, an apprentice and his real name is Tiny. I mean his name totally suits him. He is such a puny leader."

"Hey!" exclaimed Scourge. "I don't make fun of you. Flamingos."

Then he ran away screaming, "I LOST THE GAME!"

"Fish smell fishy and so do RiverClan." Willowpelt rambled on. "I want to go to the moon and eat peanuts. Did you realize the new lake home the clans settled in is like too perfect. I mean what are the chances of there being a pine forest, moor, rivers, and forest all around the same lake? I say Its impossible but does Erin Hunter care what I say? No! In fact" Willowpelt leaned in close. "I hear Erin Hunter likes dogs!"

All the ten dozen StarClan warriors around me gasped. I just rolled my eyes. "Willowpelt your getting off subject."

"Oh right. Anyway I was on patrol with Firestar. Who by was acting weird, I mean nothing out of the normal but still. Hey, did you realize that when Graystripe was captured, he became a kitty-pet. I mean that means both Firestar and Graystripe and kitty-pets! Where was I? Oh yeah! I was on patrol with Firestar. We went to snake rocks after following a badger scent trail. Speaking of did you hear the tale of how stupid LoinClan make it full of snakes. Sure there is no more giant snake but still, now there are a lot. And the snake promise was broken, cause I studied those snake and some of them are longer than my tail. Enough with LoinClan, did you read the tale of how TigerClan got there stripes? Well if you were banished to the shadows, I think your whole pelt would be black not just the odd stripe."

Willowpelt stopped to take a breather then continued the longest story ever. "Where was I? Oh ya! As we split up to look for the harry beast. Firestar smelled something and yelled but you know what? He was to late. Why is Firestar the one how does brave things and never gets hurt. Well what a bad role model he was! Cause when I tried being a hero, I died! So ya. I pushed the clumsy apprentice out of the way and instead. Well I died. Actually now I get to see Bluestar again! Did you realize all the leaders only go through a few deputies, maybe only has one. But no, Bluestar went through a lot! I was looking through the warriors field guide and some leaders had one or two deputies maybe even three. Then I got to Bluestar's name and it looked like this: Red tail, Loin heart, Tiger claw (later Tigerstar), Fire heart (later Firestar). I mean that's like... 1, 2, 3, FOUR deputies, like wow."

I could go on about what else Willowpelt was saying but everybody would be asleep. So I'll just skip to the end. In conclusion to this story, Willowpelt is distracted. P.S. Scourge wants me to tell you... "HE CHEATED!"


	12. Chapter 12

**I would like to thank Pumkinfur for giving me these cats.**

**-Falconface**

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**By: Falconface 12**

Okay, today I'm feeling truly evil today. And well, I just happen to have two evil cats... BONE AND DARKSTRIPE!

Bone:

First off, I feel sorry for Bone who has Scourge staring at him through every word. But fortunately Scourge is currently being locked up in a heavy duty cat cage by ACME (don't trust them). So Bone can speak freely.

I hate the dark forest. And it didn't help that we were being lead by Mapleshade (who by the way is terrible at reading maps). But finally we made it to Bone's small cottage.

Vines climbed up the rough stone walls and the roof was made of dull yellow straw. The wooden door had a built in kitty door and glass windows that each had their own flower boxes blooming all different shades of pink.

We entered through the swinging door that squeaked louder than any mouses on its rusty hinges. Our eyes blinked rapidly against the hot pink walls. That's right pink.

On the biggest wall was a huge mural that read: _Think Pink_ in white. The small kitchen took up the corner of the room. And in another corner lies a flat screen TV with yes, a bright pink sofa. A dark bed was also bushed against the wall and taking up the last place was a mirror.

Looking out one window, there was a lovely view of a wooden outhouse, and a long line of cats outside.

Bone was in the corner with the mirror, flexing his muscles at himself.

"Bone could you tell us how did you die?" I asked

His cheeks turned a bright shade of red as he realized cats were looking through all the windows and were crowded by the door trying to stuff a chubby kitty inside.

"I was loved. Scourge loved me for my strength and girls loved me for my muscles. I was a handsome young buff warrior ready to defend our clan from itself. Actually it took forever to come up with the name for our clan. Scourge wanted to call it fu-fu clan but I wanted Fuzzy clan. There were a lot of other options like... MoonyClan, FlashClan, LightningClan, CityClan, TwolegClan, BuffClan, AwesomeClan, AttackClan, KillClan, FireClan, ShadowClan, CuteClan, CudleClan, Ice-creamClan, FlamingoClan, BunnyClan, PonyClan, ShoeClan, ClanClan, FailClan, BattleClan, ClawClan, Kitty-petClan, BobClan, ect.

A cat named Billy suggested BloodClan and after about four time of Scourge yelling "SHUT UP!" it was decided.

We went to the forest and then Firestar droned on and on about how Tigerstar was bad and when he finally shut up, Scourge declared the forest ours and killed Tigerstar. I did find it odd that Tigerstar kept twitching and gasping taking about five minutes to did I mean talk about dramatic deaths!

Then they didn't leave so a battle began. But did you realize that if the clans left right there and then, they wouldn't of had to go through twolegs destroying the forest.

Any way I fought and fought, killing forest cats with every blow but a last I was killed by the warriors."

Bone finished. The Scourge popped out of a bush. "That is so not true, let me tell you what really happened. Bone was going to kill a small apprentice when a bunch of young apprentices swarmed him and killed him. There was no honour in death by apprentice. HE CHEATED!"

So there you are, bones death by kits. ( shut up bone, those were young apprentices.)

Darkstripe:

Darkstripe was very upset at first about moving to the dark forest. But than he discovered his true talent... Baking!

And again we had Mapleshade as our guide. And again it was the worst idea ever, mostly because the map was upside-down.

Darkstripe's bakery was was painted pink of course and it looked like something out of the fairy tale. The roof was tiled like Mexican roof and there were two lollypops plastered on ether side of the door.

Suddenly Scourge came running through the dark forest, crashed into a tree and had dozens of apples fall on him.

The seemingly cheerful door squeaked open. The room inside was painted a dull grey/green and a wooden fan turned slowly in the middle of the ceiling. Several cobwebs were here and there. A few tables and chairs were scattered over the room and in the back was a counter. On the counter was a glass case with baked goods inside. Behind was a door.

As we walked in, an unseen bell rang. Instantly the back door flung open and Darkstripe walked in wearing a tutu and a pink bonnet. "Welcome to Darkstripe's Bakery!" He meowed in a freakishly high voice.

Then he must have noticed that the pink clothes against the gloomy walls stood out like a flamingo in a snowstorm. His eyes widened and he quickly pulled out a bottle that read, Emo powder. He took a paw full of the black dust and sprinkled it all over himself.

Instantly the tutu turned into a dark cap and the bonnet transformed into a black hood. "Welcome to your doom." He rumbled in a freakishly evil and low voice.

"Hi I'm Falconface and I'm here to ask..." I started.

"Falconface! The most popular cat in StarClan! Come here to my bakery! Sorry for my darkness but otherwise the cats of the dark forest come here with shades on." He cheered in his still low voice. He took out another bottle that read HAPPY PILLS, and dumped a pill onto his pad.

Darkstripe popped the medicine into his mouth and the hood turned into a pink party hat and the cap turned into the pink tutu.

Then he turned to the side of the room and flicked a dusty light switch. Instantly the fan was pulled into a hole in the ceiling and a disco ball popped out. The green/grey walls were covered with a fresh coat of pink and the tables and chairs melted into holes in the floor. A secret door in the wall opened up and a roll of large colourful tiles rolled over top of the dusty wooden floor. The cobwebs were sucked into unseen holes and last of all, hidden light shinned upon the disco ball.

In less than a minute the emo room had turned into a full fledge party place. Darkstripe jumped on the dance floor and started doing weird moves. "Look Darkstripe, I don't mean to rain on your parade but I'm just here to ask the question, How did you die?" I interrupted.

"Oh." He look a little sad. "Well it all started in the battle with for the forest. BloodClan vs. LionClan and TigerClan. It was the day of battle, when all through the forest, every creature was stirring, every little mouse. The Clans were standing by the great rock with care. In knowing that BloodClan soon would be there."

"The kits were nestled all snug in their nests, while visions of battles danced in their heads. And the queens with their claws and the toms with their teeth had just settled down for a good bloody battle."

"When in four trees there rose such a clatter, I sprang into battle to fight for the matter. Away onto cats I leapt like a flash, I tore open pelts and clawed up cats."

"The sun on the breast of the bloody ground, gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a ginger pelt with four large paws."

"With a young face, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment, It must be Firestar. More rapid than dogs he fought as they came, and he yowled and shouted, and clawed them by claws."

"Now, he killed Dasher! Now, Deadly! Now Prayer and Viper! He is on, Comet! On Stupid! On, Dave and Blizzard! To the top of the rock! To the top of the trees! Now he fights away! Claw away! Claw away all!"

"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane, fly around now. When he meets an obstacle, jumps to the sky. So up to the tree tops the battle happened. With claws full of fur and dead cats around too. And then I heard on the ground, the pounding of each paw. As I drew out my claws and was turning around, down from across the clearing, Firestar came with a bound."

"He was covered all in blood, from his head to his tail. And fur was torn form many claw marks. A bundle fur had been pulled from his back. And he looked like a fighter just clawing a cat."

"His eyes, how they twinkled like stars, his whiskers, how Scary! His cheeks were like ginger, his nose like a cherry! His fanged little mouth was drawn up in a snarl, and the fur on his pelt was ginger like fire."

"The end of a tail he held tight in his teeth, and the enemy's claw slash over his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly. That shook when pounced like a bowl full of jelly."

"He was thin and scrawny, a right fighting young cat, and I snarled when I saw him, in spite of myself. A snap of his teeth with a twist of his head, let know he soon would be dead."

"He spoke not a word but went straight to the enemy. And filled it with holes, then with a jerk, lay a paw over his bloody nose. And giving a yowl he went into battle."

"He sprang to his paws, to his enemy he gave a yowl. And away they all ran when met the sharp edge of his thistle like claws. But I heard him exclaim, as he jumped out of sight. "ROOOOAAARRR!" Darkstipe finished.

Silence rang around the bakery. All was quiet on the dance floor until... "Say what now?" Meowed a random cat, echoing my own thoughts. Darkstripe just stared blankly.

"Um Darkstripe, I think it was a little hard to follow and had nothing about how you died." I started. "Could you just give us the quick version instead of the Night Before Christmas version."

"Fine, Graystripe killed me." He grumbled.

So there you have it! A ten second death in five minutes! This is Falconface saying good night and good- Hey! Willowpelt get away from the microphone!

(Willowpelt: Hey did you know that ShadowClan has gone through a lot of leaders? In the field guide the other three clans matched leader for leader but ShadowClan had way more leaders. Probably because most of their leaders are evil. Graystripe has grey stripes. Oh and Scourge wants me to tell you- Hey! You said I could tell them. Nooooooooo!)

(Scourge: Ha Ha! I am victorious! Now what should I say? Shut up Tigerstar I was getting there. Oh hey Tigerstar, has Tallstar finished his poem yet? Oh he did! How many has that been? Oh just the one. How long has he been working on it? Wow I would have quite after like, three seasons. Now go! Shoo shoo! I need absolute quit if I am to make this statement. HE CHEATED!)

Yes I got the microphone back! Now to continue, bye.

** Ok if some of you did not get that, Darkstripe was using the Night Before Christmas as a base for the tale.**

**-Falconface**


	13. Chapter 13

**I don't mind that you give me cats to do but these are the rules.**

**#1 Try to avoid cats from the fourth series.**

**#2 ****NO**** cats from the fifth series.**

**-Falconface**

**How Did You Die?**

**By: Falconface 13**

And yes, I understand 13 is an unlucky number but I don't care. So without any more delay, we will see... Graypool and Runningnose!

Graypool:

You know what? Grandmas are obsessed with memories. So in this case Graypool loves pictures.

"Pictures! Pictures! Honey were are the pictures!" demanded Graypool.

"I don't know but if I don't leave right now I'll be late to meet Hawkfrost and Crookedstar at the surfing place." replied Stonefur.

"Honey! Why do you never tell me these things?" exclaimed Graypool.

"I did tell you yesterday at 2:47 pm but your were too busy trying to find the scrape book on the first day you had your pet hamster." Sighed Stonefur. " I still don't get how you can fill an entire scrapbook with picture from _one_ day with your hamster."

"I still don't get why you don't like taking pictures. And of course I needed to take pictures of hammy. He was the best meal I ever had!"

You may be wondering by now were we are. Well we are outside their two story den. The entire conversation could be listened to, crystal clear. I finally stepped to the small door in the woven reeds. Knock. Knock.

"Visitors!" Squealed Graypool, swinging open the door. A trip wire must have been set of because hundreds of cameras started flashing off all at once. "Your Falconface!" Instantly twice the amounts of cameras started clicking.

"Stay back! I'll protect you!" vowed Nightstar leaping in front of me.

"Um Nightstar don't you run the gas station?" I asked.

"Of course! I'm also a body guard and in extreme emergencies, a sales cat. I work other jobs too like surfer, gambler, pumpkin carver, plumber, teacher, and world championship pie eater." He stated proudly.

"Ya sure." I meowed shoving Nightstar aside. "Anyway, Graypool could you answer the question, How Did You Die?"

"Of course darling. It all started when some cat started calling me old. I'm not old! I'm just not as young as I use to be. I am not even close to being an elder! I've raised kits on my own! And two of them weren't even mine!"

"MOM!" called Stonefur. "I'm going now."

"Be careful honey! Stay away from catnip and don't talk to strangers! Don't forget to look both ways before crossing the street! Now then, I raised those kits and then I moved to the elder's den. They called me crazy, forcing me to stay in camp. I deserve to be free I tell ya! But the one time I leave I forget my glasses. Then on my walk I met a cat that looked like Oakfur. A really buff Oakfur that dyed his fur. The I tripped and saw a rainbow. Next thing I knew, I'm up here twinkling like a furry disco ball."

"Thank you for your lovely story. Oh and turn off the cameras, you'll get more visitors that way." I replied.

Runningnose:

A pale green light hit the dusty ground as we opened the door the the StarClan science lab. Creepy alien music played from high tech speakers stuffed into corners. Security cameras followed our every move.

Many cats walked by wearing white lab coats stained with things that smelled like cucumbers and unicorns.

I looked through a glass door into a room filled with animals. Turtle/ducks hung from the ceiling and unicorns trotted around in a small pen. Dogs were giving me puppy eyes and mice were committing suicide by jumping into mouse traps.

In the frenzy of rushing cats, I caught sight of a familiar pelt of Runningnose. I rented a snowplow from a random snowplow rental shop, and used it to shove through all the panicked cats.

"Why is there so many cats?" I muttered to myself.

"Runningnose is going to reveal his new discovery today!" Meowed a random pink cat that I ran over.

After following Runningnose's big ears I found his office in the maze of hallways. Pushing through the wad of cats, we burst into the room.

Runningnose was looking under a tarp, but as soon as he saw us he dropped the cloth. "Who are you, and what are you doing in my office? I am only showing the project at the time and place!"

"I'm Falconface, and I'm here to ask the question, how did you die?" I asked peeking around him at the large lump under the cloth.

"I KNOW YOU! I WATCHE YOU ON THE TV! OMM!" He screamed.

"OMM?" I questioned.

"Oh My Mouse." He meowed. I rolled my eyes. Without hesitation he started his story. "My mother always told me that I had an extremely big head. I always believed the largeness was filled with knowledge! Of course my mom got old and that's how I invented the elders home. Sent her right into it without any hesitation. I also invented the radio, tutu, egg salad, and the stare!"

"The stare?" I asked.

In reply he raised his eyebrow and looked at me. It just made me feel like I was wearing no pants. Which I wasn't. He was still staring at my pelt as he spoke. " And that was just in my child hood. As a teen I created the photo, school, government, history, gold, and dancing! Young adult was just as successive. The tree, campfire, and marshmallows were all my ideas. Soon I got a job here. Were many, many more fantastic things were made! You should try my latest thing, THE ELECTRIC TOASTER! You'll be amazed. It turns bread into toast! And that is awesome, do you know how popular my newest thing will be!"

"Um. Sorry to rain on your parade but you never told us how you died." I interrupted.

"Oh. I died peacefully in my sleep. Maybe, I really don't know I was too busy inventing. OH MOUSE! I gotta go rehearse. Bye!

_One hour later..._

"She-cats and gentle toms may I present to you... RUNNINGNOSE!" Announced a cat on stage.

A huge applause went up as Runningnose stepped on the wooden stage. Behind him trailed two buff cats pushing a cart with his new invention under a tarp. "Thank you, thank you! I really have no words to say that you want to hear so without further a due, I bring you..."

All the cats leaned closer in their chairs as the tarp fell right on the word. "... THE HOT DOG!" The tarp touched the ground, revealing a hot dog stand. The aroma of cooking meat reached my nose. A cat dressed as a hot dog waddled on stage and started to dance to unheard music.

All I can say is thank the cat that invented free samples.

That brings us to the end of our show. Thanks for watching! Until next chapter I'm-. Scourge. Do you really have to bug me right now? UGH!

(Scourge: Bum Bum Bum! Now this show will never end! I am evil for no real reason. And now I shall play evil music for the rest of eternity!)

Ha! Guess what Scourge? I've got another microphone. Hey! Keep your bloody paws off! Fine! Scourge wants me to tell you, He cheated. I did say it with enthusiasm! Now go away!

Continuing, I'm Falconface saying good bye from How Did You Die!

Yes Scourge I did just rhyme.

**!READ THIS!**

**Attention! Tomorrow, the twenty first, I will post my new story:**

**BEYOND THE STARS!**

**For those of you who haven't been on my profile read this to get a feel.**

Smokepaw and Frostpaw were exploring the forests of StarClan. But they found a secret, a secret that even StarClan didn't know about. They found a whole new world that no cat has seen before.

Meanwhile, Ash has done something that no cat has done before. Then discovers something that can change the fate of any cat.

Join these three cats as they find a place beyond the stars.


	14. Chapter 14

**Yes I know it takes forever for me to post a chapter.**

**But I'm writing a lot of stories.**

**So please be patent**

**-Falconface**

**HOW DID YOU DIE?**

**By: Falconface 14**

I've mentioned these two cats before and you've been waiting. Now may I present to you... NIGHTSTAR AND TALLSTAR!

Nightstar:

I've told you that Nightstar has a gas station. Well he kinda lost the building when he accidentally blew it up. Then he worked at a barbershop, mover, and a miner. He got kicked out of all three plus a whole lot of other jobs. So now he works at a pub.

Glasses clinked and voices laughed. Every now and then there was the sound of punching and the laughs grew louder.

The doors opened much like a dying song bird that got ran over. The noise of the cats inside, it turned out, came from a radio sitting on a table. The only cat in view was a black tom drinking something that looked like milk.

He spit out the liquid in surprise as we entered. "Falconface!" He spluttered. "I haven't seen you since the crazy old lady's place." He took another sip of his milk.

"Well now we're here to ask you How Did You Die?" I replied.

"Finally! You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to ask me that. I thought I would be the next cat after I body guarded you. I guess second cat works to."

"Your story." I meowed.

"Sorry I'll get to it. So I ran around the clan trying to get a job wherever I could. Medicine cat, supervisor, prey sorter, prey counter, bus driver. Then I got the job as a leader! It was the best thing ever! I know a leader had to die before I became leader. I think it was Brokenstar."

Brokenstar shouted from somewhere in the crowd following me around. "HEY!"

"And you know that's sad and all but I was leader so I didn't care."

"HEY!" Brokenstar protested again.

"So anyway, there came the day when our clan was sick. The other clans thought it was an apprentice that brought in that rat. The truth is it was me." All the ShadowClan cats that died because of the sickness glared at Nightstar. "Well how was I suppose to remember a warning that we were given when we were first made an apprentice?! Anyway then I got sick and the medicine cat kept worrying about me. And then an owl came by and it was a "bad" omen. So then I got mad at them for not catching it and turning it into prey. So I told the clan I didn't like them anymore, then I died."

"Okay Nightstar. Thank you so much more your story, and we would like to hear more from you but we're on a tight schedule. So, goodbye."

Tallstar:

Just in case you haven't picked this up, Tallstar writes poems. Whether they're good or not, I really don't know.

We found Tallstar sitting on a rock beside a river. A few meters behind him was an unnaturally large waterfall.

"Tick tick went the clock one day, when I came by to say hey. You began to run around, as I went deep underground." He meowed out loud.

"Hey Tallstar." I began.

"THAT'S IT!" He suddenly shouted.

"Whats it?"

"I'm done writing poems!"

"Why?"

"I can't anymore, just read this one!" He handed me a slip of paper. On it was:

_Flowers smell like roses,_

_And roses smell like flowers._

_I like to put them in different poses,_

_And sniff them with my noses!_

"Noses?" I questioned.

"See! I'm horrible!" He sobbed. "Now, I must kill myself!"

"What?!" I meowed in astonishment.

But Tallstar was already next to the river. He ran up it to the edge of the waterfall. Then jumped onto a rock that just happened to be in the middle of the river. He turned around and prepared to jump.

"WAIT!"I shouted at the top of my lungs. He turned and looked at me. "I am Falconface and I am here to ask the question how did you die. You may die after you answer, okay?"

"Okay." He sniffed. Then brightened. "I must do it in rhymes though."

"What?" I asked.

"Ya, go for it!" Shouted Scourge at the back of the group.

"Scourge! Shut up!" I yelled at him. But it was too late.

"Once upon a time," Tallstar meowed. "I had a mother of mine. Her name was Palebird, and she was a big nerd! She had me. The only me. Just wait and see, you'll really love me! As an apprentice I was a big hurrier. Then I became a warrior! I became deputy then leader of the clan! Oh man! Then I grew old. Go on a journey, we were told. The world was like an endless maze! Everything went by in a daze. Then we came to the lake! I wanted to rest and that was a big mistake! I was under a bush, my life turning to mush! Then I told some one else to be deputy and stuff that I don't feel like rhyming about. Anyway, oh man! Now I'm in StarClan!"

"Thank you Tallstar you can go die again now." I told him.

"No!" He shouted. "You have given my life meaning. If I go on writing poems, I'll get on more T.V. Shows!" Then he ran away.

Scourge came up to me. "That... was torture." He meowed.

"Then don't encourage him." I told Scourge.

"I was trying to be evil!" Scourge wailed. "My life has no meaning anymore! I must kill myself." He leapt onto the rock in the middle of the river.

"Scourge-" I started.

"Just kidding!" Scourge shouted with glee. "My life has plenty of meaning!" Then he jumped onto shore. His foot slipped and he went falling of the edge of the waterfall. Then a giant eagle from lord of the rings came and grabbed him.

It placed him safely of shore were Scourge jumped up and yelled. "I'M ALIVE!" Then a piano fell on him.

The last few times on this show, when I try to say goodbye, some cat grabs the microphone. Now we have gone into a room and locked the door so we will have privacy.

Wait! Scourge how did you get in? Yes I know your evil but how did you get in?! You opened a portal eh? GIVE ME THAT SPARE KEY!

* PUNCH! * WHAM* KICK * POW*

(Spottedleaf: Hello? Is this thing on. Go away Falconface! I want to say goodbye to the watchers! Scourge would you be a dear and keep her away from me? Yes I'll get you a cookie. So folks, this Spottedleaf saying good night and goodbye for How Did You Die! Yes Scourge I did rhyme now go away. What? Why of course you can use that for your poem Tallstar. Um... Falconface I know your mad but...)

WHAM!

This is Falconface from How Did You Die, saying good night and good bye.

**Please read my new story Beyond the stars!**

**And look out for StarClan's Deal!**

**I have completely re-written it and will be posting soon!**

**-Falconface**


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